The Friender What?!

I know it's after Christmas, but can I please have one of these?

(in my best commercial spokesman voice) "It slices! It dices! It gets rid of the evidence! It's...

THE FRIENDER BLENDER!"

And the crowd goes wild...

What an amazing idea for someone so prone to domestication failures as I. Set my girlfriends on fire making mojitos? No problem. Electrocute Hubs asking him to plug in the toaster? It's alright! Friender Blender cleans up the bodies as easy as 1, 2, 3!

Step one: Plug in your friendly Friender Blender near the closest corpse.

Step two: Beginning with the extremities, carefully place your deceased inside the Friender Blender Friend Container. Add ice, Svedka brand vodka and pepper to taste.

Step three: Enjoy!

Haha...that's just so wrong...